Well we had a tremendous week, three weeks ago, of finding out more about our JuneBug in China. As I said we settled on JuneBug's name....well first name anyway. We settled on her first name and are definitely keeping her Chinese name as part of her name too. However, both Ballerina and Songbird have two middle names, one American and one Chinese. I'd like JuneBug to feel happy with the name choices and not regret having two middle names like her sisters. I also wonder if two middle names would be too much for a big girl who is already changing her name once. I would LOVE to add another middle name though - a short one that she could be proud of. Its all a guess, and we have to make the decision by the time we fill out her adoption paperwork (before we go.)
I talked to a pleasant woman in the U.K., Nicola, about our daughter. She visited the orphanage (SWI) last year as a part of her job with an International China Concern (ICC). She used the words "lovely" and "gentle" to describe JuneBug. She observed that she was shy and very caring towards the babies at the SWI. She obviously is used to being the helper with the younger ones. Nicola said that she observed her being a hardworker, and would sit down to work on a task and not get up until she had finished - schoolwork we're talking about here. She gave me a picture of the SWI and the people who work there. I got a more complete description of JuneBug's nanny, and its evident that she truly cares for the children as her own. Nicola described the SWI as one with a really good feel to it, children that are fed well, and a communal atmosphere where the children share their meals and are well behaved. I guess to most of us, this would seem to be kind of standard for this kind of institution. But this isn't always the case. I've heard about other SWIs. There was a photo of our daughter with Nicola and an old airplane the background. It caused all sorts of discussion in our family. I thought that it was a park and Dave argued that it might be on the grounds of the SWI. We had a good laugh about the possibility, but we honestly didn't know. Nicola confirmed that I was correct - its at a park....ha, Dave, you might be my only Blog follower - but so there! :-)
Nicola couldn't give me a better idea about WHAT they are studying in school, but noted that all of their materials seemed to be donated, including some books of questionable content - probably not appropriate for learning. The upside was that while her organization was visiting, they drew local media attention (as Westerners are somewhat of a curiosity in that part of China). Because of all the media, people who had previously not been aware of the SWI started to make donations. Nicola also told me that the SWI would be moving to a new building the week we spoke. If we get the opportunity to see the SWI, it will not be the one she grew up in all these years.
We got our report, and a follow up report, about our daughter at the end of that week. I admit, for the 6 days in between the two reports, I found myself up late at night worrying about some of the things I read in the first report. Specificially two facts combined - the first was that JuneBug is attached to her nanny, as is her nanny to her "like mother and daughter". She sometimes goes home with her nanny. Now, this is a good thing, but a hard thing. I know it is going to be hard for JuneBug to part from this woman who obviously loves her. On the other hand, she is loved, and has been able to form an attachment to someone - though she will grieve her loss, she is capable of attaching again. My prayer for JuneBug this whole year was that she was loved, that she knew love, and was being cared for lovingly. That prayer has clearly been answered. The second fact that caused my worry was that she didn't "grasp" what the adoption meant. I know that she will probably be socially delayed, not as mature as same age peers, and that few adoptions have happened from her SWI, but this fact combined with her attachment to her nanny made me sad. I kept imagining that the day we met her and brought her back to the hotel with us would be the absolute worst day in her life - especially if she didn't know what was to happen. I'm not focusing on making this day a fairy-tale meeting...I just want to offer her a peaceful welcome & first meeting and be there to help her go through her grief. I worry about her being scared, nervous and sad that day. So, worry worry worry - and try to let go of that worry, because I know its not DOING anything but keeping me awake when I desperately need sleep!
The follow up report came - it was a few questions that didn't get answered right away. It came in rough translation, with the mandarin still attached. I took one look at the first line and unplugged the laptop to run it inside the kitchen to show Dave. Poor guy was trying to work on schoolwork, but I needed to interrupt him to give him the first line: JuneBug "wants to be adopted!" Sometime in between the reports, her nanny started to talk to her about what adoption means - AND she got one, or both of our care packages. She was said to be interested in the "foreign-land" and "excited" - She's EXCITED! It also listed "nervous" and "timid", but I couldn't imagine her to not be. She went right away to play with the children as if she was saying goodbye, and showed interest in learning English. This is more than we could have asked for. Really, I know that we will have a long way to go with JuneBug. Emotionally, educationally, socially, language - she is sure to need a bunch of family time and lots of work on areas where she is behind, but this little bit of information shows me that she is "grasping" the change that is in front of her - this has also been a prayer of mine lately....so yes, prayers do get answered - in a big way when it comes to our family and adoption. My prayer now is for Dave and I, as parents, to have the tools we need to help JuneBug cope with all of these changes....and that God brings us to China soon!
That's all for now - except tomorrow some of our paperwork gets transferred internally in China and puts us on Travel Approval watch....and tomorrow is also our 2 year anniversary of meeting our sweet SongBird! So happy!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Big Week
So its been a while since I posted and though we are still "waiting," there are some new developments. This week in general is the culmination of a lot of those developments. Once we got our RA and we were officially accepted as JuneBug's parents we were also allowed to contact her. I organized a care package to be sent from a woman in China to our new daughter with a letter and some gifts. I also sent off our photo book with pictures of us and our home - I included a few pictures that Ballerina drew for her new big sister. We asked our care package woman to check in with the SWI to see what name our daughter chose from a list of four that we selected. This morning, after waiting with baited breath, I discovered that she liked them all fine, but left the final selection to us....I felt a little deflated. I was hoping that she would reach out to one name and claim it as her own. Instead, we know that we will have to work hard to make her feel a part of this family. The staff at the SWI offered their favorite and as the name they liked was one of our top two, and its easy to say, we agreed that it was the perfect name for our JuneBug. Of course if she is not ready to be called by her new American name we are happy to call her by her Chinese one. Right now its hard to start using the American name anyway. The girls are so used to referring to their big sister with her Chinese name. I've been trying to use both so that the transition is easier....they keep forgetting! Well, its only day one, we still need practice!
So that's development number one. Number two is that tomorrow I get to skype (is that a new verb?) with a woman in the U.K. who visited JuneBug's SWI last April with International China Concern. I received a bunch of new pictures from the SWI via our care package woman. The first picture I opened featured our daughter and, surprise, a caucasian girl...?! So I did some sleuthing when I found several more caucasian folk in the following pictures. The names on the photos helped me out as they listed the city, date and ICC. I did my research and determined that this ICC was a group that would have been on a missionary like trip to help out the kids in that SWI. Their main offices appear to be in Australia and the U.K. I joked with Dave that though our daughter might not know too many words in English she may know "G'Day!" The incredible part of this research was that I've identified two people in the photos and tomorrow I get to chat with one of them half a world away about her time in the place our daughter has lived for over a decade. Do people do the whole hair/makeup thing just to skype with a stranger? I'm so excited and nervous about what I might learn about JuneBug tomorrow. As she is nearing 12, there is so much we DON'T know about our daughter. I'm steeling myself for a rough transition already. I looked at some of the recent photos of our girl and my heart broke. She looks unhappy, she looks like she's not ready to change her life so much - fear of the unknown, and not understanding why everything is going to change. Her nanny has a smile in both photos where they are looking at the camera. This is the same nanny that was in an earlier video I saw of her. I think that she's been the one person in her life that's been a constant. If she helps the nannies with the younger children, to JuneBug, this is her life, her family as she knows it. This could be a very difficult transition. I'm not sure how it will manifest itself but I pray that God gives me and Dave the right tools to handle the tough times.
Okay, now for the third big thing that is supposed to happen this week. By weeks end I should have a bit of a "report" on JuneBug and her development in her years at the SWI. There is only so much information that you can get from a child's initial profile. There was a sentence, maybe two, for each year of her life. When constructing JuneBug's time at the SWI, that's not a lot of information. I contacted an organization that is phasing out the child reports, but agreed to take on the project. I sent a bunch of questions to the organization and they have someone in China who is doing the interviewing, research. I am, again, excited and nervous at what I will learn from this report. I know that I will not TRULY know my new daughter by reading reports and asking someone questions from a week visit a year ago, but this will go a long way in getting a picture of her life to date. I also know that the girl that we meet in (maybe) two months may not show us her true self right away. She will most likely be scared of these new people who are embracing her into a family with words she doesn't understand and bring her to a new country where all she has known is half a world away. She has much to learn - and we do too! I hope that she finds her little sisters to be a comfort to her. Ballerina and Songbird are so excited to welcome her home. Ballerina is a little guarded as she has been through this process before (getting a new sister) and she has the party line down pat. She tells Songbird, who enthuses that JuneBug will just hug and kiss her, that JuneBug may be upset and NOT hug right away because "she won't know us yet." Ballerina is such a good sister, she wants to be ready for that kind of moment (she also remembers that Songbird pushed her away for a little bit in the beginning.) She is enthusiastic about a big sister though, and often tells people proudly about JuneBug. She is knowledgeable about all things JuneBug and has helped pick out several of her new clothes. Ballerina actually chose many shirts for big sister that match shirts in Ballerina's closet!
So this is a big week of news for us. We pray for JuneBug throughout all of this time. She now knows she is going to be adopted. She has probably received our photo book and has a glimpse into where we live and what we look like. Of course, by now I wouldn't be surprised if she thought we were a bunch of smiling idiots. We are smiling in every photo. Only Songbird has some more serious photos - that's only because our family group shots often include Songbird looking away....that's okay, she's still beautiful!
I'm hugging my girls a little closer these days. They've brought so much joy into my life. These days with just two little girls will change a whole lot by the end of the summer. I know God is asking us to stretch and grow, and as these girls prove to me with their "high-water" pants and tight shoes - they are growing before my eyes. I am trying to slow them down to no avail! For now I will savor their beautiful little selves that are inquisitive, thoughtful, outgoing, joyful, musical and happy -and I look forward to seeing how they welcome their sister at their own & her own pace. They will be ready when she is!
So that's development number one. Number two is that tomorrow I get to skype (is that a new verb?) with a woman in the U.K. who visited JuneBug's SWI last April with International China Concern. I received a bunch of new pictures from the SWI via our care package woman. The first picture I opened featured our daughter and, surprise, a caucasian girl...?! So I did some sleuthing when I found several more caucasian folk in the following pictures. The names on the photos helped me out as they listed the city, date and ICC. I did my research and determined that this ICC was a group that would have been on a missionary like trip to help out the kids in that SWI. Their main offices appear to be in Australia and the U.K. I joked with Dave that though our daughter might not know too many words in English she may know "G'Day!" The incredible part of this research was that I've identified two people in the photos and tomorrow I get to chat with one of them half a world away about her time in the place our daughter has lived for over a decade. Do people do the whole hair/makeup thing just to skype with a stranger? I'm so excited and nervous about what I might learn about JuneBug tomorrow. As she is nearing 12, there is so much we DON'T know about our daughter. I'm steeling myself for a rough transition already. I looked at some of the recent photos of our girl and my heart broke. She looks unhappy, she looks like she's not ready to change her life so much - fear of the unknown, and not understanding why everything is going to change. Her nanny has a smile in both photos where they are looking at the camera. This is the same nanny that was in an earlier video I saw of her. I think that she's been the one person in her life that's been a constant. If she helps the nannies with the younger children, to JuneBug, this is her life, her family as she knows it. This could be a very difficult transition. I'm not sure how it will manifest itself but I pray that God gives me and Dave the right tools to handle the tough times.
Okay, now for the third big thing that is supposed to happen this week. By weeks end I should have a bit of a "report" on JuneBug and her development in her years at the SWI. There is only so much information that you can get from a child's initial profile. There was a sentence, maybe two, for each year of her life. When constructing JuneBug's time at the SWI, that's not a lot of information. I contacted an organization that is phasing out the child reports, but agreed to take on the project. I sent a bunch of questions to the organization and they have someone in China who is doing the interviewing, research. I am, again, excited and nervous at what I will learn from this report. I know that I will not TRULY know my new daughter by reading reports and asking someone questions from a week visit a year ago, but this will go a long way in getting a picture of her life to date. I also know that the girl that we meet in (maybe) two months may not show us her true self right away. She will most likely be scared of these new people who are embracing her into a family with words she doesn't understand and bring her to a new country where all she has known is half a world away. She has much to learn - and we do too! I hope that she finds her little sisters to be a comfort to her. Ballerina and Songbird are so excited to welcome her home. Ballerina is a little guarded as she has been through this process before (getting a new sister) and she has the party line down pat. She tells Songbird, who enthuses that JuneBug will just hug and kiss her, that JuneBug may be upset and NOT hug right away because "she won't know us yet." Ballerina is such a good sister, she wants to be ready for that kind of moment (she also remembers that Songbird pushed her away for a little bit in the beginning.) She is enthusiastic about a big sister though, and often tells people proudly about JuneBug. She is knowledgeable about all things JuneBug and has helped pick out several of her new clothes. Ballerina actually chose many shirts for big sister that match shirts in Ballerina's closet!
So this is a big week of news for us. We pray for JuneBug throughout all of this time. She now knows she is going to be adopted. She has probably received our photo book and has a glimpse into where we live and what we look like. Of course, by now I wouldn't be surprised if she thought we were a bunch of smiling idiots. We are smiling in every photo. Only Songbird has some more serious photos - that's only because our family group shots often include Songbird looking away....that's okay, she's still beautiful!
I'm hugging my girls a little closer these days. They've brought so much joy into my life. These days with just two little girls will change a whole lot by the end of the summer. I know God is asking us to stretch and grow, and as these girls prove to me with their "high-water" pants and tight shoes - they are growing before my eyes. I am trying to slow them down to no avail! For now I will savor their beautiful little selves that are inquisitive, thoughtful, outgoing, joyful, musical and happy -and I look forward to seeing how they welcome their sister at their own & her own pace. They will be ready when she is!
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